You ever notice how grown people that are perfectly capable of feeding themselves lose their minds over free food at work? Fuck bombs, the best way for The Terrorists to strike at the heart of American capitalists would be like this:

1. Plant a guy in the company in an admin position — get him in as a temp. He won’t need to be there long.
2. Deliver any number of cyanide-laced pizzas and/or doughnuts to every office building in America. Everyone in every office everywhere loses their mind over free pizza, including security guards. If The Terrorists are feeling fancy, they could make the poison a two-stage compound, lacing the cream cheese with one half and various bagels with the other.
3. Have the temp send out a company-wide e-mail that announces free food.
4. Cackle madly while the bodies drop.

It starts with a simple, relentless drumbeat, punctuated with a catchy, almost tribal woodblock sound. Then the pulsing synth starts and you just feel the whole rollercoaster lurch away from your feet and you drop into a throat-hitching freefall, esophagus rippling while your heart screams with ecstasy.

It samples a bunch of the awesomest movies ever like Blade Runner, A Clockwork Orange, Scarface.

Maybe it sounds like steam rising off a jungle or a low, purple-red sun rising in a time-lapse movie of a highway jammed with traffic, fog burning away. It sounds like aerobics, but the cool kind. Like the aerobics in a montage from a very inspirational Hollywood movie about training to whip somebody’s ass in a dystopian future. There’s one thing that’s very clear about the hidden message in this song, though: there’s a great big busy productive world happening out there, and just for this one day, you want no part of it.

Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve all had annoying co-workers. A couple jobs back I worked in an office with a woman that used to ramble on and on, LOUDLY, into her phone about all kinds of crap — medications, family problems, her “cycle.” I used to fantasize about leaping over the cubicle wall and just elbow-dropping her, pro-wrestling style.

We’ve all had that dream, I think.

This guy lives it:

It’s almost definitely fake. As one YouTube commenter points out, security cameras don’t record sound. Probably fake, but real enough to be awesome.