Jesus’ teats blasting eight solid sunbeams, I am SO in love with this video. It’s got everything all together — lurching grinding trippy catchy electronic sounds and a montage of seriously strange video clips from the ’80s. There’s industrial instructional stuff here, infomercial clips, vintage exercise videos, people stepping in sticky stuff and sandwiches and just a little bit of cheesy porn.

That’s just a dildo, though, not an actual cock.

So yeah, this is probably NSFW, but I mean, really. The dongs in this thing are obviously phonies, and they’re just kind of waving around. Any boss with half a brain would see that they’re just comedy dongs, not used with any sort of intent here.

I can never tell what’s safe for work and what’s not, because I just can’t get my head around the fact that a disembodied rubber dildo could be at all offensive in anyone’s workplace, unless that workplace was like, an Amish barn-raising or something.

But somehow I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. Anyway.

This video is for the song “Truck Sweat,” directed by Tobacco, for music also by Tobacco from the album “Fucked Up Friends.” Tobacco, as some of you may know, is a member of the psychedelic super-group Black Moth Super Rainbow. On with the clip and let the dicks fall where they may:

Jeff sent me a link to an awesome, fun, faux-vintage sci-fi short film a while back, and I mean to share it with y’all, but it slipped my mind… until I was flipping through a sketchbook and found this hastily scrawled list of cultural references that I saw while watching it for the first time:

She-Ra, Princess of Power. Lord of the Rings. American Apparel advertisements. The Neverending Story. Mario Bros. Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future. “The Clapper”. Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Space Invaders. Silverhawks. Batman. Thundercats. Tron.

These things, in no particular order, sprung to mind immediately for me. Some of them are obviously intentional, others perhaps unintentional but likely to be seen by anyone who grew up when I did and watched the same stuff. Still others were triggered by a small detail or action in the video that other folks might not notice or associate in the same way. Anyway, here it is!

ELA in Love At First Byte by PepperMelon:

ELA in Love at First Byte from Fernando Sarmiento on Vimeo.

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Folks with extra weight on them have always had it rough. Whether they were called “husky,” “stocky,” or today’s “33 percent of the population,” everyone knew the truth behind the euphemism. A little respect, no matter how flimsy and transparent, is better than this old ad:

I love how they kindly tell concerned parents that “everything is priced the same as regular sizes,” because, you know, they’re using SO much extra cloth to make these darling little mini-tents.

God, I wonder how much they spent on shampoo and conditioner as a household. Probably at least as much as this guy spent on mousse and hairspray.

That photo up there comes from a fantastic post (via Metafilter) of spectacularly crappy vintage portraits from Olan Mills Studios. Like one of the comments says, “hilarious in an oddly painful way.”

For a bonus treat, check out this lovely lady.

Happy New Year, everyone. Drive safe and don’t resolve too much all at once.